On how I've been spending my days...

I haven't visited this space for a long time...for almost a month. It's hard to believe that I have been back for a month already. I guess time can fly by even when you are not having so much fun. My days have been more hectic than fun...sigh :-s

Seems like no one has been blogging much either...not many new posts in the 'following' column. I should probably attribute it to the heat...It is way too hot to do anything at all. I am seriously thinking about going into hibernation like a Polar Bear or something (only in summer as opposed to their winter hibernation). 

I came home to all the last minute hustle and bustle of my cousin's wedding. My dad,uncles,cousins everyone were rushing about madly with all the arrangements etc. I was left to sulk away in corners of different houses ( except my own, sadly)  with my 5 year old niece and soon to be missus sis for company. In all the excitement,it was a bit boring too I have to admit, receiving people you have never met in your life, smiling and making small talk, repeating my life history a hundred times...and the most hated question at last- so,any wedding plans in immediate future???  That week passed by in an almost nightmarish haze.

Immediately after that started my GRE coaching classes. I found them boring at first, the sociopath that I am, the prospect of meeting new people wasn't exactly something I was thrilled about. But I'm starting to like it there, and have made some friends, and the classes aren't all that bad now. The downside is that,it sort of fills my days. I am left with no time to complain of boredom..that's something new right...lol ;)

That's it...Nothing much seems to be happening around me,although I did see a facebook update that said that one of my school batch mates has given birth to a boy... I would like to quote Chandler when Ross had Ben:  " I can't believe one of us has one of these...I still am one of these...!!!"

On travelling for 20 hours...

I am a self-confessed non-fan of travelling, whether it be by car or train or  air. (The actual visit and walking around somewhere exploring it are excluded from my term 'travel' because I love them and technically, it comes after the travel itself to the place. Does that make sense? )  The highest point in most of my travels is about 5 minutes before reaching my destination,all the excitement and anticipation etc. I hated this one especially because, as the title suggests, it was almost a day long... 2 flights of nine and three hours each  and a 7 hour long transit to top...My personal definition of hell :)

Leaving behind Flat 41 and all the good/bad times there was not very easy. Well, that's the thing about goodbyes right, they aren't ever easy...I do have the hope of  being there again,possibly in a couple of months. It wouldn't be the same, because it would never again be my home...I would just be a guest from time to time...

I don't know what I felt when I saw London disappear as a speck down below. I looked around to see relieved faces of people returning home after a vacation, a few tourists etc. It looked like I was the only one not very happy about leaving...Well...

It is a well known fact that Air India's air hostesses are not the prettiest or the youngest in business. But I seriously didn't know that they had a policy of hiring butt-ugly air-hostesses prior to my travel. Seriously, my Mom (who's 47 and looks 35) is about 10 years younger than the average age of these ladies. I guess that accounts for the cheaper fare and the empty seats...Which male in his sound mind would opt to travel under such conditions...lol. Not to mention the highly weird service...One lady actually kept tapping my shoulder till I woke up to give  me my breakfast...That my dear,is Air India for you... (Thankfully I had a pretty nice fellow traveler on my second flight who just collected all the stuff and left it on the vacant seat between us  for me to enjoy when I woke up . Otherwise, I might be standing trial for murder by now). 

About 9 hours later I was at Indira Gandhi International Airport,New Delhi, named after the only Dictator we ever had to boast about( I am NOT implying that we need more of them), where I was due to have another interesting experience. The guy at the counter stamped my boarding pass and  sent me direct to baggage claim despite my mentioning thrice that I am travelling from London and that I haven't been through Immigration yet. He just DID NOT pay attention!!! I came back after getting my luggage because I couldn't leave the terminus to go check-in for the next leg of my journey until I submitted the landing card, which no one collected from me because I hadn't been to Immigration. So I went back to where  these two men were checking everyone's passports and boarding passes and waving them through. That caused quite a ruckus, handing me free advice and Coffee and rebuking the guy who let me through without checking properly etc. 

Then there was a 7-hour long transit. Well, 5 really, because these events and customs and everything else had taken care of at least 2 hours. One of my friends had said that at the brand new Delhi airport,there was a lot to see and that time would fly by. While I wouldn't completely agree with that, I would say that the officials there are rather nice, from the guards at the various entrances to the men at the counters, they were all rather nice and helpful ( My Mom had all but  warned me that the officials at Delhi airport aren't the nicest people and that I should be very careful). 

Adding colour to the events before, they just couldn't find my name in the system for my flight to Cochin. It wasn't  a problem really, because half the flight was empty and I had a receipt, it was just another example of mismanagement  in our National Airline...

When we landed in Cochin, the weather was horrible. The pilot contemplated not landing in Cochin and going to Trivandrum directly(for it was a Delhi-Cochin-Tvm flight) .Just a couple of days back, a Gulf Air flight had slipped off the runway and nose dived into the grass  in Cochin, without any casualties ,thankfully. We circled the airport for about 20 minutes, and then it cleared up a bit, even though still rainy, and we landed without further complications.

 I am typing this two days later and it is still raining..it is safe to say that it hasn't stopped raining all this while, and not the drizzles I have been accustomed to for the past 2 years, but actual, full-fledged chain of rains...I love rains, but hate the fact that I can't go out at all...(Well, actually,that I WON'T go out at all). I must say, it is definitely a relief being back home...No chores to do, no vessels to wash, absolutely nothing to do, except read or watch something, or better still, just lie around ;) I'm loving it :D. 

On saying Bye Bye London...

Finally it's time to go home,after a year of sabbatical. More studies,work...I dunno what is in store next. A friend asked me whether I wasn't sad to leave some place where I have lived for almost two years now,made memories... I said to him that variety is the essence of life right, so why be sad about it...I'll go to a new place now and make new memories...

I am sad to leave London...but then so was I to leave Pune...and to leave home before that...I have had a great time here...had a lot of experiences-great,good,bad and ugly- met a lot of truly wonderful people and as he had said...made memories,which will last longer than lifetimes...I am equally happy at the thought of going home after a long time,of the thought of celebrating an Onam at home after 5 years...I am terrified about going to a whole new place,meeting a lot of new people,try to fit in...do all that dance all over yet again...I am excited about the prospect of not knowing what tomorrow might bring...So basically,I have no clue what I am feeling,I am in a daze caused by a multitude of emotions.

I haven't even started packing yet. My room mate just gave me grief about that. I hate packing...not only because it is a lot of work,also because it has a finality of sorts...It brings you to a point from where there is no immediate return...

I hate goodbyes...I am dreading the possibility of saying goodbye to London...We have been in a relationship for almost 2 years now...and have been faithful to each other (mostly,that is, because I did slip and go visit a few places in between,though not many...lol)...And now it is over,at least for the time being. Maybe we will pick up where we left off one of these days...Here's to London and me...and all the good times we had...and all the bad times we had :) 

What dreams are made of...

I have a ring. It says love. It changes colour from deep blue to light greenish yellow. It has all the colours on a peacock's tail.

There is something about bright colours,that makes me feel better instantly,no matter how bad my mood is. The brighter,the better. There are these light-globes that I see when I am on my evening strolls...they change colour,from white to purple to blue...from green to orange to neon pink. Even when I've hit rock bottom (emotionally,that is), they never fail to lift my spirits.

I couldn't capture my favourite,neon pink,because no matter how much I tried,it came out all blurry :(

Same is true about flowers. Why should I say more...pictures speak in greater volumes than words right...

We always hear people praise the beauty of sunrises,of mornings. But for me,twilight is the magical time. Probably because it is closer to the time I wake up...lol. But there truly is something in the light from the setting sun that brings out the beauty in the most ordinary sights.

This is a very ordinary looking building next to mine when the evening sun shines on it.

These are the storage trunks from a wholesale shop behind my apartment. When the sun shines from behind them,they become picturesque. It forces me to think,isn't this what life is all about...seeking beauty in the most unlikely places...bringing out the best in the worst situations...Isn't this the stuff that dreams are made of.....

Rainbow Chasers

I am not a fan of mornings...They come a little too early in the day for my taste. So,watching the sunrise with a cup of coffee is not really my style. It is not to say that I don't enjoy an occasional 'early bird' day once in a while. That is what I did today. Well technically,that is not very true because my early morning accounted for a sleep less night ;) and lots of movies :) My schedule has become so weird that my room mate has dubbed  me insomniac  :D

This past week has been so hot I swear steam was coming out of my finger tips. Thankfully that has given way to  rain the past couple of days. Downside: there is no way in hell you can go out.

I thought of braving the rain and going for a walk in it yesterday. Rain ran away, apparently. It drizzled a bit trying to force me back inside,but finally gave up :) Me-1, Rain-0.

This array of colours made my day yesterday. It was so so so beautiful :)

I almost felt like chasing the rainbow to find where it touches the ground,to find my pot of gold guarded by a leprechaun...

We are all rainbow chasers in a way. At one point or the other, all of us have dreamt about having something which is out of reach. Something as beautiful,yet unattainable...isn't that what dreams are made of? Furthermore, no one said that you can't have it just because it is a dream right?

 "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" 

P.S: The title is not exactly apt...but I sort of liked it ;)

Valley of ex-emotions!

 Einstein's theory tells us that "Energy can neither be created,nor be destroyed. It can only be converted from one form to another". I am an astrophysicist whose whole belief system revolves around that theory. And love,of course is undoubtedly a form of energy. So really,where does all that energy vanish when you get out of a relationship with someone? What happens to all the love that you had for that person?

I don't buy the theory that it goes to the next boyfriend/girlfriend. Mainly because I don't believe that you can just fall out of love with someone and then fall in love with someone else instantaneously. So do we store up all that love to lavish it on the next person whom we think is the one or do we just convert it into those other emotions that accompany the break up like hurt,anger,depression,bitterness and thus expend it? 

I believe that all the physical strength that God did not create women with, He gave them in term of mental strength and emotional maturity. Perhaps that is why it is relatively easier for women to move on from a disastrous relationship than men. We are perhaps more pragmatic and therefore,more practical. But then there are those men who can just move from woman to woman at the drop of a hat. These are the so called 'players',emotionally stunted boys,in the garb of men,who care about none other than themselves. It all sounds so confusing to me,because I have met both kinds of them...the ones who take time to move on and the ones who don't. It leads me to wonder...is it that one of the two people in the relationship,irrespective of whether it is the man or woman has to either get married or learn a lesson,while the other can just move on into the arms of the next man/woman standing? It definitely is worth  a thought.

My Happy place...

I've been like a  ghost haunting one of my friends' place for a few days. Her place reminds me a lot of my first room in Pune. 

It was in an apartment owned by a very old,quite mad lady. It spelt home for only about six months...Except for the crankiness of the land lady,it was my 'favouritest' of all my Pune apartments. The best thing about the room was the balcony. I used to sit there night by night watching people...There was an IT Park next to it,and a bigger one at about 20 minutes distance and a couple of industries nearby, so the little road in front was always bustling with action...The call centre cabs,techies who live nearby walking home,the hails and shouts from the rickshaw stand...I used to just sit there and take it all in...During the day,especially when it rained,I would sit there with a cup of tea and watch the huge tamarind tree in the compound glisten with diamond drops while the kids from the play school downstairs hollered at the top of their voices....I still remember the colour of their uniforms...Feels like that was all a hundred years ago...if only I could be sucked into a time warp and return to those days once again...

This was just a little more than 5 years ago...when I first set out to face the world on my own with rosy dreams in my eyes. I remember that girl only too clearly. But I also realise that I am light years different from her now. While I don't resent it,I wish,I just wish that I could be that girl once more...

P.S- Well, I really must be getting older,I'm definitely getting mushier...lol ;)

True Love: Myth or Reality...???!!!

Today was a day of emotional turmoil for me.  One of those days you inevitably have to go through in the jungle of feelings called life. My problem,like thousands of women out there,is trying to get over the man who broke my heart. I was given no reasons,no explanations,nothing. It felt like a song gone bad... "Feel free to blame me for everything,it's all my fault ,not yours..." complete with the "Never contact me,Forget my name" disco remix. Nice,right?

I've tried the never thinking about it dance, not talking about it and pretending it never happened. It just doesn't seem to be working. Then I tried the talking about it to my closest friends and just getting out the hurt approach,which isn't working very well either. All it has done is make me edgy and jumpy and short of breath...Taking every breath seems like an effort...And the hurt is not going any place far either...

I believe in tackling problems analytically. After careful analysis, I have reached at a conclusion. It hints at the real reason why I can't move on.

1. He did not give me a reason. One day it is all nice and I'm all dreamy...and within hours... I get "Don't ask me for a reason" etc etc

2. That coupled with my already high sense of self-criticism is not exactly helpful in maintaining mental peace...(I'm not even going to mention words like happiness...am not sure that it even exists any more...)

Shouldn't there be a law preventing people doing something like this to other people? I mean,it is not exactly nice right? In all honesty,I really had thought that this was 'it'...my happily ever after...I think it is safe to say that that's all in water now. I have never intentionally hurt another person badly. So it seems rather unfair that something like this happened to me...But then no one said that life is fair right...

I had an in-depth discussion about this and more with one of my guy friends. He said something that made me think...Don't concepts like True Love exist any more? Or am I the only fool who still believes in moon rays and star dust and happily ever afters??? Isn't there like one nice man out there?? One who is nice and sweet and kind...and like a Gentleman??? Oh How I hate such questions hanging in the air without any answers!!! Sigh !!!

Ramifications of Anger...and some Venting ;)

Over years I have come to believe that I have an anger management problem. I have absolutely no idea how hurtful my words can be when I am angry. It used to be virtually uncontrollable when I was growing up, especially in my teenage years when I would just say whatever I thought at the spur of the moment and then live to regret it. Once I remember plastering one of my best friends on the Bathroom wall due to a minor (?) disagreement. I learnt to control it more or less in College...but the downside to that was,I sort of shut out every other emotion as well. Whether I was happy,or sad,or angry...I just kept it to myself,which earned me a name from this group of girls who weren't really my friends, "Snow Queen". It was a secret,so obviously I knew. I should admit though,I sort of liked that name...Its weird but cool right? lol ;)

I have had some time on my hands to validate my actions over the past few months and have come to realise that I haven't really changed that much, neither from the teenager who vented her feelings at the closest possible 'victim' and nor from hiding my real feelings,whatever they might be. The real problem as I see it,is that,the ones closest to me,like my best friends or my lover often has to bear the brunt of my tongue,which is witty in my best moments and equally caustic in the really bad moments. I used to think that it is fine because it wasn't that often and if I couldn't be myself with those I love,then life would be an endless display of charades...

I always knew that my anger wasn't a good thing,and I tried to hide it best as I could but then people started telling me that 'they' like it even though it annoys 'them' sometimes ('they' consist of just one person who actually told me not to change it because he liked it and who,unfortunately, is no longer a part of my life...figures...right). As if that wasn't enough to shatter my whole belief system, two of my closest friends actually advised me to not be so 'open' about myself to potential 'dates'. I still don't understand and haven't taken in exactly what they meant. I don't just date, date. I believe in relationships that are deep and meaningful and hopefully,everlasting (which is not the case more often than not). And I have always believed that you cannot base a relationship on lies and half baked truths. Sometimes it has to be "in your face". That is how you evolve. Now you may ask "You know it because of all your long-lasting relationships?" Not really,but that is what I think and believe. And I refuse to consider the alternative that I may have to lie about who and  what I am to keep a man in my life. As the sultry siren  Marilyn Munroe once said, "If you can't handle me at my worst,then you don't deserve me at my best".  

Of Course I am no Munroe,I am high maintenance and bitchy and weird...but I am who I am and those who cannot accept me as I am maybe don't deserve me in their lives either...

Random Randomness :)

It is raining here... With every drop that falls on earth, its thirst is quenched a little...like the little drops of water that make up the mighty ocean. 

I love watching the rain. Its like every drop of rain has a story to tell, of the light years it spent on the air...as a bit of vapour, as an ice drop.....travelling around on the wind's tail...finally falling on earth...as rain...Boy...I'm going a bit too far with all the imagining,aren't I? :)

Anyway...Its just one of those days...I wanted to go for a walk, but I was actually too lazy to do so..and timely rain saved me from the trouble ;)So am just slouching under the duvet,arguing to myself whether or not to go make tea...and watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S...for the thousandth time!!!

On a totally different note...I am so so dying to get a tattoo :) I just can't bring myself to actually go and get it done... I've been postponing my fifth and final ear stud for like four months :)

I think I'll go make that tea after all :)

P.S: I'm blogging because I have absolutely nothing else to do!!! Feel free to not read this post...lol ;)

I felt my heart breaking as I read his last message. There goes my happily ever after,I thought. I read it twice, thrice...My brain just couldn't take in its meaning...the words were looking like ugly black beetles on my white screen. The only sound I could hear was my heart picking up its beats...beating faster and faster as if it was going to break open my rib cage. I picked up my phone to dial my "ami dans le besoin". My hand was shaking so bad my phone fell off it. The shiver spread to the rest of my body. I tried to stand,but couldn't. I lay on my bed and tried to think...it seemed like my nervous system was on strike. I wanted to shout,to cry,to do anything but lie there. I just couldn't. As the shivering subsided,I felt my conscious go blank. Everything was dark again. My last thought before going under was...Dark is good...dark means no one can see me...dark means no one can hurt me now...

Roaming around London

The week that went past was mostly fun. My friend was in town,so we roamed around a lot :) Here are just some pics from here and there :)

A new restaurant of sorts called Dishoom on the Jubilee Walkway that boasts of Chowpatty food...Need to check it out sometime :)

My favourite bookshop around here. Shop is a loose term. They are mainly huge trunks full of used and very old books,paper backs, hard backs...paintings,maps...etc etc 

Images from Hyde Park. And I have absolutely no idea what that Horse is doing there...

My favourite shop in town...Disney :D

This cutie at the NatGeo store  is worth some 7000 pounds...that is about 500000 Indian rupees. 

Very "Pirates of the Caribbean' ish bottled ship at Trafalgar Square :)

The London Eye- from another perspective :D

The Parliament square and Big Ben and Westminster bridge in the rain :)

The view outside Churchill's cabinet War rooms...I loved the sky..the fellow in armor looks lopsided...lol ;)

All from St.James' Park. It was such a bright and shiny day that I just clicked away :)

There was some fancy wedding in the church in the Buckingham Palace grounds. She was the most colourful person in attendance amongst everyone else in blues and grays. I especially loved her hat...it reminded me of some deep sea animal :)

Feline statues outside the Tower of London.

The very distinguished London Landmark,the Tower Bridge...the sky looks stormy whilst it was actually a bright day.

There is nothing but office buildings there...I just liked the way they look ;)

The beach of sorts that bank Thames. Just an example of my water fetish. I was born in an Earth sign in a land of 44 rivers ,bordered by the Arabian sea, and home of countless lagoons and lakes...and I am forever attracted to water... When I feel land locked,I traipse through the walkways that lead me to Water... And I could sit watching them for hours and hours...

P.S- I know this is a bit too long...I just went nuts...lol ;)

Born out of boredom...

Sleep hasn't been so benevolent for a few days. Stress without any reason has been gnawing my mind at all hours. Exhausting myself with long long walks hasn't been working either. So I have changed form into a sleep walking nervous wreck for no reason whatsoever (there are people who might disagree about the lack of reason part  but I think I might know better).

When I lie awake during the night I see the silvery crescent of the moon shining yonder. If I close one eye and make a fist,I can hold him within my palm. But my dilemma has been whether I should indeed close that one eye just for the pleasure of holding him in my hand.....

My friend is in town for a few days which gives me something to do than sit at home and dream (read obsess)... I have never in my life looked forward quite so much to anyone's arrival in  recent times. I have been so bored by a weird sort of depression these two days that I even resorted to cooking which is something I try to avoid at all costs. When even shopping fails to up the ante, you know you ARE in serious trouble. Anyway am off to pick him now... So Long!!!

P.S: Part of this post might have been mailed to those in the blog send list before. I was blogging from mobile and hit the  publish button accidentally. Stupid touch screen...lol!!! Sorry about that. 

Sitting on my couch...wearing my lazy pants...!!!

There is something about weekends that makes even the most industrious people laze around. In no way do I figure into such a group of people and practically every day is my weekend...still... I do my special things for weekend...like sleeping the whole day... getting up after the sun is set (well, not so much so in London summer), and going for long long walks.....

I have become a fan of organic teas lately...green,jasmine,mint...mostly thanks to one of my flat mates,who stocks them by the dozen.  My Mom being the type A health freak that  she is, has been trying to push them on me for years, to no avail of course, while all she should have done was to simply hide the regular tea and coffee...lol.

I came across an old love recently, ironically enough,as part of my cousin's match making efforts. It was rather weird, and it was fun too in a way, I got an opportunity to look back on the person that I was, and the one I have become, which is a rather terrific one if I say so myself ;). In his words, at least we are both having fun, even though it is not with each other. Well, that is the circus that we call life, right, what can you do...

I don't fancy myself as much of a writer...but lately,I have started thinking if it might be something I might want to consider seriously. I mean,I have wanted to be a writer since I was little,only I never did much about it...and let's face it...I'm not exactly Carrie Bradshaw (lol)...But despite the tortured moments..I can't help thinking it might be quite rewarding... Just a crazy thought... so what's new...;)

It has been raining here so much for this past week...the same unpredictable London weather...rainy a minute...hot and sunny the next..

I spotted a rainbow in between too...Not very clear,but it was prettyyyyyyy :)

Enough nonsense for the moment methinks..... Me signing off ... :)

The first one- Welcome!!!

I am all about beginnings. I have decided to put all the negativity behind me and start afresh. Hence the new blog. This is the brand new me who has no dark past, just a very simple present and a bright future.

Well... Welcome :)