Wednesday, 20 March 2013

The Moment

I sit up whole nights with friends drinking and playing cards and get up at 8 am to make it to class. That is how I get through college.

I watch Grey's anatomy and F.R.I.E.N.D.S over and over again. That is how I get through heartbreak.

I vacuum and clean my room(s) and put everything into order in a purely OCD manner. That is how I get through boredom.

I sit and stare into space and do nothing whatsoever. That is how I get through loneliness.

I listen to old hindi movie songs and album songs (sad ones). That is how I get through sadness.

I go somewhere where I can look over an expanse of space and look down on everyone and everything. That is how I get over inferiority complex.

But sometimes, you don't want to get over what is plaguing you. You just want to sit there and wallow in whatever it brings. But after a while, you experience this sense of innate detachment from all that, the discomfort,the pain,the weakness...That is the moment when you realize that you can still go on no matter what you have lost or let go. That is the moment of pure strength. That is the moment when you realize who you really are.....

Sunday, 3 March 2013

The whats,hows,what nots and how nots to do...

I am used to getting over bad guys, the ones that hurt you, the ones that are mean to you, the ones that cheat on you. There are any number of books and people who are willing to give you advice on that. And I do know what to do from experience. But how exactly does one get over a good, even great guy? One who is nice and kind and attentive and with whom you basically have no bad issues. How to get over a man you love when it is the situation that plays the villain?

My Good Thing ended a couple of days back. It was a mutual decision. The long distance thing was being a bit too much (for him) and the not seeing ,not touching thing was driving me crazy. We were very mature,very adult about it. We chose to remain friends rather than  go on and get into fights and break up in an ugly way further on. Was that the right thing to do? I have no clue, and apparently neither does he. He said it is like there are two parts of him, who are at a tug-of-war with each other; the one that doesn't want to let me go and the other-the practical one that says that all this pressure is unhealthy and bad for both of us. I felt a little better after talking to him yesterday. It might be the fact that misery does love company. But it also put my mind in the same tug-of-war. He deals with it by keeping his mind blank and not thinking about it at all. I am trying to do the same. Maybe I'll have more success when I am back on level ground( Right now, I'm sitting at the Dubai Airport transit to Venice,I'm off to Italy...yayyyyyy!!!!!).

Considering everything,we had a good run. I have only the fondest memories of our time together. It wasn't exactly what anyone would call conventional. There were no promises, no talk of a tomorrow together,nothing of the sort.We were just, there. It was just like being in  a relationship with your best friends, the one who understands everything without being told, one who relates to everything you say, one who even while he makes fun of you, sees the sense in your nonsense...It worked for us, that is what matters right...

Corollary: He asked me if I was Okay. I said to ask me again a few days later. I asked him how he was feeling. He said, ask him again a few days later...