Monday, 10 December 2012


It is snowing outside. The whole world is swathed under a white blanket. It is all breathtakingly,heart-achingly beautiful. It is beautiful in a way that makes my heart yearn for your presence.

The snow is falling hard and fast. I hold out my hand to catch a few flakes.Snow white against brown looks pretty, but then they melt into nothingness almost instantly. 

It is the same tree I wrote about before. It has a curtain of white against nakedness now. It's wish has come true. I am waiting for mine.....

Monday, 3 December 2012

Musings and meanderings...

I am feeling that sudden clarity of thought you feel after a drag. It is the same clarity you lose after 4 drinks. I know that it is the Nicotine tricking my body into thinking it is relaxing, while it increases my heart rate, cuts blood circulation to my legs and leads me towards a premature demise. I  like it though...

The skin on my wrists is chafing a bit, a direct effect of holding my arms out into the cold dry wind, while it encases my surroundings in a white blanket. The pink vapour rising from my strawberry tea blends into the white and disappears into nothingness. I could explain it with the second law of thermodynamics, I don't want to. I just sit and watch it become cold. Now it tastes like the Strawberry Ice tea served at CCD's back home.

I am in one of those moods where I don't want to be an Astrophysicist any more. All I want to do is sit at a picture window and write. Maybe stare into space and dream...Or paint. Well, that would be a disaster.I am a terrible painter, I can't paint to save my life..! All I can do is splash different colours on a canvas and call it modern art.

From where I sit,I can see lights dancing high up. It is like "Diwali in the mountains". I am reminded of the tiny stacked houses in the high ranges of India. These are not as quaint. I try to make out letters in the light mazes. I see alphabets, but they make no sense at all.

There is a tree outside my window. I don't know what kind it is. It was green when I arrived here. I watched it's leaves turn deep red to orange to yellow and then fall off altogether. Now it stands naked, waiting for snow to paint it white. 

When light came to wake me from dreams
I woke readily,
Donning my dreamer's robe
I vowed to keep them alive
And set them free.
When the world turned golden
And leaves started to fall
I wrapped them tight
In the folds of my heart
And send them to the heavens.
When clouds would mate,
I see them fall back on earth
And call out to me
Hidden in the grass
Out of sight of all, but me
My tiny stars...!!!

Saturday, 6 October 2012

Fall :)

I went for a walk this morning. It was all so beautiful. Apparently, fall is already here...

Saturday, 29 September 2012

Getting around Innsbruck

Today dawned chilly and cloudy and breathtakingly beautiful.

This snap would have been even more prettier, had I been able to zoom in a bit more. I clicked this in the bus, so didn't have more time before the helicopter flew by. It ws red and the contrast looked really nice.
We went to a fleamarket today. It mostly had clothes and knick knacks. It felt a bit sad, mainly because these were people who were selling there tiny treasures, nice things, because they needed the money more than these things. I'm probably feeling worse for them than they themselves do...I do that sometimes, well, most of the time :P. And the things are really quite cheap. I bought two books and a ring.

Here are some images from the flea market.

He belonged to one of the vendors there, paused for me very obligingly as soon as he saw my mobile camera, lol :)


It was such a beautiful day but for the cold. I wore like 3 layers to counter the cold, but my poor nose got so numb :(

This is a monument of some sort. I don't know what exactly. It looked nice  in an imposing,grand kind of way, hence the click :)

If any one can see the white spot in the mountains above this apartment bulding, I hope to buy that place some day (if it is a house) or go stay there sometime (if it is a hotel). In the morning when I woke up, the clouds were floating just below this place. It would be nice to live in such a place right, with the sky at your feet...I would feel like GOD!!!

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Getting used to life in Innsbruck :)

Okay, so, I'm in Austria. I reached about a week back. I'm not going to blog about how good/bad it felt to leave and the accompanying dramas. I'm just going to say that I'm slowly getting settled and adjusted to the not so systematic life in a student dormitory,again. And I got a room mate about half an hour ago...She seems nice,for the moment...Time will tell I suppose.

I'm in this tiny little town in the Alps called Innsbruck. It is kind of a University town, it came into being only because of the University (now,my University). I suppose it is very beautiful, it is one of the most sought after ski places in Europe and is surrounded by mountains etcetera etcetera. I am posting a few pictures to that effect.

This is the view from my window in sunlight.

The same view in rain. I totally understand now why Ruskin Bond lives in the mountains and why he keeps writing on and on about them, has been for years.

This is the courtyard-cum-smoking corner on the ground floor of the dorm.

That's the river Inn, that gives the town its name. Innsbruck is actually a form of the word Innbrücke which means "bridge over Inn" (Brücke=bridge in German). It is a beautiful shade of green, and ever so clear.

There is this town tower sort of thing that we climbed one day as part of sight seeing. This is the view of the surroundings from there. It is pretty gorgeous :)

She is beautiful isn't she? And the dog is so adorable :)

This is a church of St.Nikolas, yes Santa Claus. I suppose it will have some sort of big blow out around Christmas :)

These are from a slightly larger church/cathedral (I don't know how to distinguish between them). It is called the Dome of St.Jacob. I don't know what he did, it is beautiful in that it has these frescoes and all. And apparently a part of it was destroyed in the second world war and rebuilt and all that. Frankly, I was too tired by this point so I just sat in the pews and rested.

So in a nutshell, I live now in a very picturesque place with unpredictable weather. One day it is all bright and sunny and the next its damp and rainy. Alps sure is mischievous ;) 

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Life and Love :)

Hum raat ki intezaar mein
Din kaat lete hain…
Neend ki intezaar mein
Jage rehte hain…
Lekin jab se aapke hothon ne
Iss dil ko choo liya hain,
Humein neend mein bhi
Sukoon naseeb nahi hota….

I have a velvet box of dreams
I filled it with colours of love,
I set it in the Sun
It gave out a rainbow,
I saw your face
Shining out at me
And your smile
Said it all,
Without saying a word.

Waqt ka saath ho na ho
Aap wahi rehenge jahan hamesha the…
Humare dil mein, humare ruh mein,
Humare har dhadkan mein….

Clouds of gloom descend on me,
Now that its time to leave again…
Goodbyes have never really been my thing
I guess it never will be…
With you and me,
I hope it never needs to be…

Note:- Just some lines I wrote and felt like sharing...Totally random and totally mine ;)

                                                    Do not look back,
                                      No one knows how the world ever began.
                                                    Do not fear the future,
                                                   Nothing lasts forever.
                                         If you dwell on the past or future,
                                               You will miss the moment.


Wednesday, 15 August 2012

You :)

When the gentle rain kisses the waiting earth,
I hear your footsteps coming toward me...
When the wind blows my hair across my face,
I smell your perfume in the air...
When the leaves rustle and trees sway slowly,
I sense your presence next to me...
When am awake, thoughts of you deter my sleep...
When am asleep, dreams of you taunt me awake...
In rumbling thunder and shards of lightning,
In blinding sun and torrential storms,
I seek my haven, your arms, wrapped around me....... :)

Friday, 20 July 2012

Ticking away the moments...

We are often obsessed with time lines, deadlines,time slots...anything that is related to time. Some people have more (read too much) of it than they need , and others simply don't have enough.  When  you think you have it, it runs by like a rabbit, and when you are bored and don't really need more time on your hands, it does a 'comme un escargot'.  It is quite maddening!!!

The reason I got to thinking about time all of a sudden are basically two.

 Uno: My friend G is leaving for a masters course in the US. We had thought we have all the time to meet a few friends and take trips and hang out. So we had planned trips every weekend and checking out restaurants almost every day and the like. Mostly, none of it is gonna materialize, because she is leaving next thursday. I knew she was going to leave by July end, but apparently, it came too soon for my liking ( as inevitable (y bad) things always do). And the sent-off party of sorts we had planned fell through due to time constraints and family emergencies etc. Anyway, so that's that and she is leaving  for two years...sigh!!!

Secundo: It is EXACTLY one year since I came back from London. And it is almost time for me to leave as well. I have enjoyed staying at home, I really have. But inactivity isn't exactly my friend either. I am not the most active person on the planet, but even through my haze of laziness, I hate sitting at home all day, every day and watching tv or movies. I have had quite enough of that. So, I am leaving for Austria for a second masters in September. The first 6 months of my course is there. Then I spend a year in Italy and another 6 months in Germany. And here's the best part, I got a full scholarship yaayy!!! That should be fun. If these places are as beautiful as the Internet has led me on to be, I am in for a treat...and a ;)

I am both excited and apprehensive about this whole thing. Excited because of the obvious, I get to meet new people and visit new places. Apprehensive because, I am leaving behind 'the familiar' all over again and will have to adjust to new surroundings and people yet again...I can't wait to leave though... Due to a not-afore-mentioned tertiary reason, I think it is too soon to leave as well... But then how soon is too soon really?  I'm confused....!!!  Maybe more time will clear my head (or confuse me further...sigh!!!). 

                                                            "And you run, and you run
                                                             To catch up with the Sun...
                                                             But it's sinking, racing around
                                                             To come up behind you again.........."

Monday, 16 July 2012

Some things I want to let you know...

There is something in you,that reminds me of my favourite flowers.....a freshness,an austerity..a something..:)
You make me laugh, you make me think, you make me blush (which is no mean feat, I assure you )...You get me, what I think, what I'm trying to say, better than anyone ever has (which,incidentally, creeps me out big time sometimes, but it is nice in a way). Your perfume reminds me of  the ripe golden leaves in Autumn (weird euphemism, I know,but it really does). When I sat on that park swing ,holding your hand, I knew it wouldn't be easy to let go of this one. Stringing words together isn't exactly my forte, as you very well know, but I want to let you know, that it did mean something. Maybe it isn't forever, but that doesn't make it any less. All I know is that it matters a great deal to me now...

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

I don't know what to call this!

I have been thinking about relationships lately.  This has been triggered by the fact that practically every friend of mine has been having some or the other problem in theirs. Apparently, when you decide to be with someone, there are about 100,000 considerations to look at, besides the more mundane.  Whatever happened to dating for fun, I ask...,where you hang out with someone, get to know them, talk, and actually have fun (remember fun???)!!! But no...After a couple of dates, everyone is into labels and discussions about the possible futures of the relationship etcetera etcetera... The latest in the list is my former sort-of-player best friend actually feeling possessive about a girl just because she said she talked to some friend of his on whom she had a crush ages back...I am still not done laughing at that..Honestly,I never thought I'd see this day!!! LOL ;)

On a more serious note,  all this future scoping is probably aimed at reducing the heart break risk  in the eventuality that it is not going to be forever.   Maybe they have a point, I don't know. Ultimately, love is blind. It does not see what people look like, how rich they are, what community they are from etc. This unpredictability of love is it's largest bane too, I have been told,because, the considerations in societies like ours are mainly about the socio-economic status, education, same religion/community etc (a new one I have come across is language, you know, Mallu girl, Hindi side that). 

We try so hard to be safe from all sides that sometimes, it just takes the fun out of everything in life...everything. I rest my case with a question...When is it ever safe anyway, when we lay our heart in someone else's hands,aren't we also taking a risk that they might knowingly or unknowingly break it? If so, what is the point in finding someone after all this filtering process...Isn't it better to just find someone you can be yourself with??? That's more than one question, I know. :P 

Sunday, 10 June 2012

On those tragic love stories we love a lot ...

From Wuthering Heights to Gone with the Wind to Vinnaithandi Varuvaya, any love story worth reading or watching hasn't had quite the happy ending.Everyone  remembers the debacle 'Ek Deewana Tha', that was the soul less hindi remake of VTV with the happy ending, right?  (I'm not considering the sequel to GWTW,'Scarlett' by Alexandra Ripley,which does have a happy ending, and which I DID NOT hate, contrary to popular sentiment ). All the epic love stories have been tragedies. Romeo & Juliet, Heer-Ranjha, Salim-Anarkali...need I say more?  I can't fathom for the life of me why this has been the case. I mean, we all grew up on Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, all of which had happy endings, in all of which, Prince charming delivered his Lady Love from all misfortunes and they lived happily ever after. Then why do we have this morbid fascination with tragic/unrequited-love-stories? The latest in the list was Ishaqzaade, in which both the hero and heroine fall prey to the honour killing scene (given, that they killed each other, but you get what I mean, don't you?)  still strongly prevalent in regions of northern states in India (Might I say, great movie, hot guy, cute gal).  Is it because of the basic human nature of always expecting the worst in every situation? That is a unique brand of pessimism that we are sporting...just saying ;) 

Saturday, 9 June 2012

Rain, Rain, come again :)


So...the much anticipated monsoon is back once again, it would seem. Everything is beautiful,everything is green and easy on the eyes...When it rained for the first time this season,(Well, monsoon I mean, we have a lot of different types of rains in this part of the country,that it practically rains all the time ), I just had to experience it, rather than just see it. So I climbed up to the terrace, and on the rafters (My mom would probably have killed me for that) and just sat there, letting the rain soak me through. When I was drenched to my satisfaction, I climbed down to the sunshade and enjoyed the spectacle. It wasn't exactly very high up, but it felt like watching it from somewhere sheltered, but very much a part of it all,                                                                                     like from a cave or something.


This one is my favourite....The disciplined perfection of water drops is adorable,methinks ;)

I  absolutely love watching my grounds in rain. I am very much a home-earth-bound person. When I am away, it is not the people I love that I miss the most, it is the way how things felt, that sense of belonging, which you never experience elsewhere, even if you stay there for aeons.


Wednesday, 6 June 2012

When Candy became a Mrs :)

One of my best friends got married yesterday. When I would think about her marriage some twenty years yonder,it would probably seem like a blur. It all happened too fast,the betrothal,the whirlwind courtship over skype,the engagement and finally the wedding. I hadn't exactly given much thought to all this even when we were cozied up in her room for the  Bachelorette party. During our outings the days before the wedding, Capricious kept saying, "Fuck man,Candy is getting married!!!(Oh btw,that is our little group,Candy,Capricious,Sweetheart and me)". It just didn't sink in,till I saw her standing at the altar...I don't even know how to describe what I felt at that time. My eyes threatened to well up and embarrass me,which they thought the better of,thankfully.....

I think there was more to it than just a best friend getting married. It was doubly unreal because it was her. The rest of us have changed a lot during the 8 years or so that we have been friends. But Candy still retained a sense of innocence and general wonderment at life from her school days. For all her growing up physically,she was still a kid at heart. And now,she was entering a new walk of life and moving away,like for good...It is all rather overwhelming.

When I think of her,I remember a girl in a grey pinafore with pigtails,perhaps that will be the image of hers that I will carry in my mind forever. I watched her enter like a Princess and glow into beauty like a Queen as she became a Mrs. I wish her all the happiness in the world. I am sure that for someone as clear hearted as Candy, only good things will happen,now and forever. :) 

Sunday, 27 May 2012

Thoughts at 2.00 a.m

These are disjoint thoughts that are running through my mind at this time. I hope to unburden my mind without burdening the reader's mind with pointless thoughts.

I think I'm giving new definitions to boredom and joblessness.  It is 2 in the morning. I'm listening to the itzy-bitzy-almost drizzle outside and watching Sex and the City for the 100th time. I should probably recite the dialogues along with it...That should complete the 'Krazy' picture...

I had a great date yesterday. I had a lot of fun and went to sleep with a huge smile on my face. And woke up confused,because I had a dream about my ex. Granted,that it was at a very trite scenario,like a carnival or something, it was exceedingly weird nevertheless. Does this make me a bad person???

One of my best friends is getting engaged tomorrow. It is one of those alliances where everyone except the bride,the groom and the immediate families think that they have rushed into it. I wish her all the happiness in the world but I have to say that I am the 'teensiest' bit apprehensive about the general situation.

We were going to have a drinking party tomorrow night. It has more or less fallen through. The idea of spending part of a day with my friend's 3-year old daughter without alcohol is rather distressing,to say the least. It is probably horrible of me to say that. But the last time we went out,she sort of made a scene shouting at her Mom and making a whole lot of unnecessary ruckus. Now that,is something I don't care to have a repeat performance of.

I have officially run out of thoughts. Even my brain is becoming lazy. Just a few days of this and I'm ready to be chucked into some looney bin. I need to go get a life!!! Wonder what price they are selling it at nowadays.... ;)

P.S: There was a Goa trip in between that I wanted to blog about. Correction-'want' to blog about. I just can't find the right words...It is a curious case of me not able to wrap my head around what I'm writing...

Friday, 27 April 2012

When I started talking about chalk...and reached cheese in no time...

Whenever I have a mental static, I look outside my window for inspiration. Not that there is much outside. The first thought that strikes me,always,is that it is all too green. The Neem tree outside,the henna bushes,the sort-of-abandoned plot next door,the wasted almost 8-acres of land where the Ghost-house stands(it is not a Ghost house really,I call it that because no one stays there and it is huge and intimidating)...all of it is too green,way too green with shrubs and plants and trees and what not. I don't have a decent piece of sky to look at,owing to this profusion of trees.

And when it is raining,like it is now,it makes me feel like I live in an African rain forest. It gets dark bit by bit. I can almost see the darkness creeping in,outside first,then at my window,moving across my room in tiny steps... I love rain,I really do. But I don't like this weather much. I am more of a sunrise at the top of a mountain,sunset on a beach kinda gal. This much green ain't ma type huh...(Imagine a very southern brogue please. I have a thing about it. I think it is very sexy. I used to think the same about British accent but two years in the UK sort of disillusioned me. Now I use it for mockups).

This has been my view since I was 6 or 7,since this house was built. The only difference was that there was a house and a well and even more trees in the next door plot. The people who used to live there had been our long time neighbours. They used to own the house opposite to ours too(which they sold it to the people living there now about the same time our house was being built). Come to think of it,I think they used to live in that house and have always rented this one out. They had moved away for a while,but then moved back again for some reason.

It was a strange household. There was an old lady,her husband and her mother(who was like a hundred years old) and relatives with outlandish names visiting them occasionally. I used to think of the whole lot of them as snobs of the first order. The husband used to play a harmonica every afternoon when the whole neighbourhood would be trying to catch a nap. It wasn't so bad always. But sometimes,it would be so hot and muggy,and the power would be out and one is trying to get a few moments of shut-eye,and this dude starts playing...that blows the lid on your temper like nothing else does. Anyway...these people moved out eventually,the house actually being in the lady's sister's name( who was in the US of A,who was butt ugly with an equally ugly husband...but with two beautiful children!!!)and she didn't really want them to live there...lots of family drama. Finally they left,the plot was sold,the house torn down,trees cut and the well levelled. Pity really,because I liked that house...wasn't very big but had a sort of charm. 

For some reason,I have always associated the tearing down of that house to my Grandmother's death. I don't remember if they happened about the same time. One of the last memories I have of her ,is her grimacing at the noise of the trees being cut down and saying that,to her, cutting trees feels as bad as killing small kids. Weird simile,I know...boy...she was a hell of a woman. I still miss her. To this day,when I suddenly get the smell of frankincense in the air or when a lonely firefly wanders into my room,I can't help but wonder if she is visiting her favourite grandchild on the sly. That thought is like comfort food,right up there with rolled over jelly sandwiches and greasy maggi noodles. :)

Thursday, 19 April 2012

On my Hilltop

This used to be my favourite wall paper for a really long time. I used to imagine myself standing on that slope near the tree and watch the sun set every evening (well,not every evening exactly,every evening I would be at that place that is). I would have a house on a bit down from there,tucked away in one of those folds between slopes,nothing elaborate,but not exactly a bare minimum cottage type either. I'd wake up every morning (that I can manage) and sit on the railing of my porch with a cup of coffee and listen to the stream bubbling under(of course there has to be a water body nearby,that is sort of mandatory) and the birds chirping in the background...That makes for a nice picture,doesn't it :)

Whenever I used to picture myself on that hilltop,it was always just me,alone,not lonely exactly,but alone. But after I met you,I feel like maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to have someone beside me over there. I have never felt that I would need company when I embark on some  "time with myself" trip,away from everything else that defines me. But now I have started thinking that maybe,just maybe,it wouldn't be so bad to have you with me. It scares me that I can actually envision letting you into my personal space. Yet I am secretly thrilled that it is YOU. I have always imagined that I will find someone so perennially interesting an uncomplicated to spend my life with...That sounds a lot like you. We don't yet know each other that well, but evidence suggests that we could be each other's soul mates(Excuse me,I've been watching too many true crime shows). I am willing to take a risk and give it a try...Are you? 

Monday, 16 April 2012

Rain Rain Come Again... ;)

The summer showers are very strange. Their routine is almost predictable. They prepare for onset by about 4.30 pm, the sky starts to darken with rain laden clouds, thunder starts to rumble and Wham!!! ,it starts to rain. This predictability has an inherent unpredictability (talk about oxymorons!!!). You can never say by the skies how hard the rain is going to fall. Sometimes it might look so stormy you feel like a 'Katrina' is on the way,but it just drizzles on and off for hours and drives you crazy. At other times,the sun might be shining its head off and all of a sudden it starts pouring like hell...the day might still by bright while it rains too. It is those drizzles that are never ending. Once it develops into a full fledged rain,it just keeps at it for an hour at most and recedes. That is my favourite kind,it provides a respite from this annoying heat and doesn't become annoying itself. Can't wait for the monsoon to kick in!!!

We went for a drive in the rain yesterday,to a place called Neriyamangalam,enroute to Munnar,where the high range just starts. It is apparently where my Grandfather grew up,I had never even heard of the place before ;)

Beyond this stone called the "Rani kallu" after  the Queen Regent on whose orders the stone was laid,marking the building of the road to the high ranges,Its hair pin bends all the way...

As I said I sooo can't wait it to be monsoon ,for this horrendous heat to dissolve into dewy coolness,to see the trees glisten with raindrops,to watch the shoe flower outside my window sway shyly when the rain falls on it... Incidentally I am reading a book called "Chasing the Monsoon" now. It is by an English guy with a weather fetish called Alexander Frater who went chasing the monsoon from Trivandrum to Cherrapunji...What a journey it might have been...and beautifully written too :) :) :)