Unspoken words

There's nothing to say,
There never was...
That which was, no words could speak of
No words did...

What my eyes said,
What your eyes read,
Would that give a name,
To that which has none?

No matter how hard I try
No matter how long I try
You seem stuck in my heart
Like a wish that shouldn't have been...

All those words unsaid
I spoke to you a million times
In my thoughts, in my dreams...
But, somehow,I never did,
When you were near...

The shadows of days past
Come back to haunt me...
When my heart weeps its regret,
Tears,it's only language,
I feel that distance ,
The emptiness from where our paths parted...

I never knew that
Unspoken words could hurt so bad,
I feel so raw
Like a knife twisting in my Heart...

On how I've been spending my days...

I haven't visited this space for a long time...for almost a month. It's hard to believe that I have been back for a month already. I guess time can fly by even when you are not having so much fun. My days have been more hectic than fun...sigh :-s

Seems like no one has been blogging much either...not many new posts in the 'following' column. I should probably attribute it to the heat...It is way too hot to do anything at all. I am seriously thinking about going into hibernation like a Polar Bear or something (only in summer as opposed to their winter hibernation). 

I came home to all the last minute hustle and bustle of my cousin's wedding. My dad,uncles,cousins everyone were rushing about madly with all the arrangements etc. I was left to sulk away in corners of different houses ( except my own, sadly)  with my 5 year old niece and soon to be missus sis for company. In all the excitement,it was a bit boring too I have to admit, receiving people you have never met in your life, smiling and making small talk, repeating my life history a hundred times...and the most hated question at last- so,any wedding plans in immediate future???  That week passed by in an almost nightmarish haze.

Immediately after that started my GRE coaching classes. I found them boring at first, the sociopath that I am, the prospect of meeting new people wasn't exactly something I was thrilled about. But I'm starting to like it there, and have made some friends, and the classes aren't all that bad now. The downside is that,it sort of fills my days. I am left with no time to complain of boredom..that's something new right...lol ;)

That's it...Nothing much seems to be happening around me,although I did see a facebook update that said that one of my school batch mates has given birth to a boy... I would like to quote Chandler when Ross had Ben:  " I can't believe one of us has one of these...I still am one of these...!!!"

On travelling for 20 hours...

I am a self-confessed non-fan of travelling, whether it be by car or train or  air. (The actual visit and walking around somewhere exploring it are excluded from my term 'travel' because I love them and technically, it comes after the travel itself to the place. Does that make sense? )  The highest point in most of my travels is about 5 minutes before reaching my destination,all the excitement and anticipation etc. I hated this one especially because, as the title suggests, it was almost a day long... 2 flights of nine and three hours each  and a 7 hour long transit to top...My personal definition of hell :)

Leaving behind Flat 41 and all the good/bad times there was not very easy. Well, that's the thing about goodbyes right, they aren't ever easy...I do have the hope of  being there again,possibly in a couple of months. It wouldn't be the same, because it would never again be my home...I would just be a guest from time to time...

I don't know what I felt when I saw London disappear as a speck down below. I looked around to see relieved faces of people returning home after a vacation, a few tourists etc. It looked like I was the only one not very happy about leaving...Well...

It is a well known fact that Air India's air hostesses are not the prettiest or the youngest in business. But I seriously didn't know that they had a policy of hiring butt-ugly air-hostesses prior to my travel. Seriously, my Mom (who's 47 and looks 35) is about 10 years younger than the average age of these ladies. I guess that accounts for the cheaper fare and the empty seats...Which male in his sound mind would opt to travel under such conditions...lol. Not to mention the highly weird service...One lady actually kept tapping my shoulder till I woke up to give  me my breakfast...That my dear,is Air India for you... (Thankfully I had a pretty nice fellow traveler on my second flight who just collected all the stuff and left it on the vacant seat between us  for me to enjoy when I woke up . Otherwise, I might be standing trial for murder by now). 

About 9 hours later I was at Indira Gandhi International Airport,New Delhi, named after the only Dictator we ever had to boast about( I am NOT implying that we need more of them), where I was due to have another interesting experience. The guy at the counter stamped my boarding pass and  sent me direct to baggage claim despite my mentioning thrice that I am travelling from London and that I haven't been through Immigration yet. He just DID NOT pay attention!!! I came back after getting my luggage because I couldn't leave the terminus to go check-in for the next leg of my journey until I submitted the landing card, which no one collected from me because I hadn't been to Immigration. So I went back to where  these two men were checking everyone's passports and boarding passes and waving them through. That caused quite a ruckus, handing me free advice and Coffee and rebuking the guy who let me through without checking properly etc. 

Then there was a 7-hour long transit. Well, 5 really, because these events and customs and everything else had taken care of at least 2 hours. One of my friends had said that at the brand new Delhi airport,there was a lot to see and that time would fly by. While I wouldn't completely agree with that, I would say that the officials there are rather nice, from the guards at the various entrances to the men at the counters, they were all rather nice and helpful ( My Mom had all but  warned me that the officials at Delhi airport aren't the nicest people and that I should be very careful). 

Adding colour to the events before, they just couldn't find my name in the system for my flight to Cochin. It wasn't  a problem really, because half the flight was empty and I had a receipt, it was just another example of mismanagement  in our National Airline...

When we landed in Cochin, the weather was horrible. The pilot contemplated not landing in Cochin and going to Trivandrum directly(for it was a Delhi-Cochin-Tvm flight) .Just a couple of days back, a Gulf Air flight had slipped off the runway and nose dived into the grass  in Cochin, without any casualties ,thankfully. We circled the airport for about 20 minutes, and then it cleared up a bit, even though still rainy, and we landed without further complications.

 I am typing this two days later and it is still raining..it is safe to say that it hasn't stopped raining all this while, and not the drizzles I have been accustomed to for the past 2 years, but actual, full-fledged chain of rains...I love rains, but hate the fact that I can't go out at all...(Well, actually,that I WON'T go out at all). I must say, it is definitely a relief being back home...No chores to do, no vessels to wash, absolutely nothing to do, except read or watch something, or better still, just lie around ;) I'm loving it :D. 

On saying Bye Bye London...

Finally it's time to go home,after a year of sabbatical. More studies,work...I dunno what is in store next. A friend asked me whether I wasn't sad to leave some place where I have lived for almost two years now,made memories... I said to him that variety is the essence of life right, so why be sad about it...I'll go to a new place now and make new memories...

I am sad to leave London...but then so was I to leave Pune...and to leave home before that...I have had a great time here...had a lot of experiences-great,good,bad and ugly- met a lot of truly wonderful people and as he had said...made memories,which will last longer than lifetimes...I am equally happy at the thought of going home after a long time,of the thought of celebrating an Onam at home after 5 years...I am terrified about going to a whole new place,meeting a lot of new people,try to fit in...do all that dance all over yet again...I am excited about the prospect of not knowing what tomorrow might bring...So basically,I have no clue what I am feeling,I am in a daze caused by a multitude of emotions.

I haven't even started packing yet. My room mate just gave me grief about that. I hate packing...not only because it is a lot of work,also because it has a finality of sorts...It brings you to a point from where there is no immediate return...

I hate goodbyes...I am dreading the possibility of saying goodbye to London...We have been in a relationship for almost 2 years now...and have been faithful to each other (mostly,that is, because I did slip and go visit a few places in between,though not many...lol)...And now it is over,at least for the time being. Maybe we will pick up where we left off one of these days...Here's to London and me...and all the good times we had...and all the bad times we had :) 

What dreams are made of...

I have a ring. It says love. It changes colour from deep blue to light greenish yellow. It has all the colours on a peacock's tail.

There is something about bright colours,that makes me feel better instantly,no matter how bad my mood is. The brighter,the better. There are these light-globes that I see when I am on my evening strolls...they change colour,from white to purple to blue...from green to orange to neon pink. Even when I've hit rock bottom (emotionally,that is), they never fail to lift my spirits.

I couldn't capture my favourite,neon pink,because no matter how much I tried,it came out all blurry :(

Same is true about flowers. Why should I say more...pictures speak in greater volumes than words right...

We always hear people praise the beauty of sunrises,of mornings. But for me,twilight is the magical time. Probably because it is closer to the time I wake up...lol. But there truly is something in the light from the setting sun that brings out the beauty in the most ordinary sights.

This is a very ordinary looking building next to mine when the evening sun shines on it.

These are the storage trunks from a wholesale shop behind my apartment. When the sun shines from behind them,they become picturesque. It forces me to think,isn't this what life is all about...seeking beauty in the most unlikely places...bringing out the best in the worst situations...Isn't this the stuff that dreams are made of.....

Rainbow Chasers

I am not a fan of mornings...They come a little too early in the day for my taste. So,watching the sunrise with a cup of coffee is not really my style. It is not to say that I don't enjoy an occasional 'early bird' day once in a while. That is what I did today. Well technically,that is not very true because my early morning accounted for a sleep less night ;) and lots of movies :) My schedule has become so weird that my room mate has dubbed  me insomniac  :D

This past week has been so hot I swear steam was coming out of my finger tips. Thankfully that has given way to  rain the past couple of days. Downside: there is no way in hell you can go out.

I thought of braving the rain and going for a walk in it yesterday. Rain ran away, apparently. It drizzled a bit trying to force me back inside,but finally gave up :) Me-1, Rain-0.

This array of colours made my day yesterday. It was so so so beautiful :)

I almost felt like chasing the rainbow to find where it touches the ground,to find my pot of gold guarded by a leprechaun...

We are all rainbow chasers in a way. At one point or the other, all of us have dreamt about having something which is out of reach. Something as beautiful,yet unattainable...isn't that what dreams are made of? Furthermore, no one said that you can't have it just because it is a dream right?

 "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" 

P.S: The title is not exactly apt...but I sort of liked it ;)

Valley of ex-emotions!

 Einstein's theory tells us that "Energy can neither be created,nor be destroyed. It can only be converted from one form to another". I am an astrophysicist whose whole belief system revolves around that theory. And love,of course is undoubtedly a form of energy. So really,where does all that energy vanish when you get out of a relationship with someone? What happens to all the love that you had for that person?

I don't buy the theory that it goes to the next boyfriend/girlfriend. Mainly because I don't believe that you can just fall out of love with someone and then fall in love with someone else instantaneously. So do we store up all that love to lavish it on the next person whom we think is the one or do we just convert it into those other emotions that accompany the break up like hurt,anger,depression,bitterness and thus expend it? 

I believe that all the physical strength that God did not create women with, He gave them in term of mental strength and emotional maturity. Perhaps that is why it is relatively easier for women to move on from a disastrous relationship than men. We are perhaps more pragmatic and therefore,more practical. But then there are those men who can just move from woman to woman at the drop of a hat. These are the so called 'players',emotionally stunted boys,in the garb of men,who care about none other than themselves. It all sounds so confusing to me,because I have met both kinds of them...the ones who take time to move on and the ones who don't. It leads me to wonder...is it that one of the two people in the relationship,irrespective of whether it is the man or woman has to either get married or learn a lesson,while the other can just move on into the arms of the next man/woman standing? It definitely is worth  a thought.