Ticking away the moments...

We are often obsessed with time lines, deadlines,time slots...anything that is related to time. Some people have more (read too much) of it than they need , and others simply don't have enough.  When  you think you have it, it runs by like a rabbit, and when you are bored and don't really need more time on your hands, it does a 'comme un escargot'.  It is quite maddening!!!

The reason I got to thinking about time all of a sudden are basically two.

 Uno: My friend G is leaving for a masters course in the US. We had thought we have all the time to meet a few friends and take trips and hang out. So we had planned trips every weekend and checking out restaurants almost every day and the like. Mostly, none of it is gonna materialize, because she is leaving next thursday. I knew she was going to leave by July end, but apparently, it came too soon for my liking ( as inevitable (y bad) things always do). And the sent-off party of sorts we had planned fell through due to time constraints and family emergencies etc. Anyway, so that's that and she is leaving  for two years...sigh!!!

Secundo: It is EXACTLY one year since I came back from London. And it is almost time for me to leave as well. I have enjoyed staying at home, I really have. But inactivity isn't exactly my friend either. I am not the most active person on the planet, but even through my haze of laziness, I hate sitting at home all day, every day and watching tv or movies. I have had quite enough of that. So, I am leaving for Austria for a second masters in September. The first 6 months of my course is there. Then I spend a year in Italy and another 6 months in Germany. And here's the best part, I got a full scholarship yaayy!!! That should be fun. If these places are as beautiful as the Internet has led me on to be, I am in for a treat...and a Eurotrip...lol ;)

I am both excited and apprehensive about this whole thing. Excited because of the obvious, I get to meet new people and visit new places. Apprehensive because, I am leaving behind 'the familiar' all over again and will have to adjust to new surroundings and people yet again...I can't wait to leave though... Due to a not-afore-mentioned tertiary reason, I think it is too soon to leave as well... But then how soon is too soon really?  I'm confused....!!!  Maybe more time will clear my head (or confuse me further...sigh!!!). 

                       

                                                            "And you run, and you run

                                                             To catch up with the Sun...

                                                             But it's sinking, racing around

                                                             To come up behind you again.........."

                             

Some things I want to let you know...

There is something in you,that reminds me of my favourite flowers.....a freshness,an austerity..a something..:)

You make me laugh, you make me think, you make me blush (which is no mean feat, I assure you )...You get me, what I think, what I'm trying to say, better than anyone ever has (which,incidentally, creeps me out big time sometimes, but it is nice in a way). Your perfume reminds me of  the ripe golden leaves in Autumn (weird euphemism, I know,but it really does). When I sat on that park swing ,holding your hand, I knew it wouldn't be easy to let go of this one. Stringing words together isn't exactly my forte, as you very well know, but I want to let you know, that it did mean something. Maybe it isn't forever, but that doesn't make it any less. All I know is that it matters a great deal to me now...

I don't know what to call this!

I have been thinking about relationships lately.  This has been triggered by the fact that practically every friend of mine has been having some or the other problem in theirs. Apparently, when you decide to be with someone, there are about 100,000 considerations to look at, besides the more mundane.  Whatever happened to dating for fun, I ask...,where you hang out with someone, get to know them, talk, and actually have fun (remember fun???)!!! But no...After a couple of dates, everyone is into labels and discussions about the possible futures of the relationship etcetera etcetera... The latest in the list is my former sort-of-player best friend actually feeling possessive about a girl just because she said she talked to some friend of his on whom she had a crush ages back...I am still not done laughing at that..Honestly,I never thought I'd see this day!!! LOL ;)

On a more serious note,  all this future scoping is probably aimed at reducing the heart break risk  in the eventuality that it is not going to be forever.   Maybe they have a point, I don't know. Ultimately, love is blind. It does not see what people look like, how rich they are, what community they are from etc. This unpredictability of love is it's largest bane too, I have been told,because, the considerations in societies like ours are mainly about the socio-economic status, education, same religion/community etc (a new one I have come across is language, you know, Mallu girl, Hindi side guy...like that). 

We try so hard to be safe from all sides that sometimes, it just takes the fun out of everything in life...everything. I rest my case with a question...When is it ever safe anyway, when we lay our heart in someone else's hands,aren't we also taking a risk that they might knowingly or unknowingly break it? If so, what is the point in finding someone after all this filtering process...Isn't it better to just find someone you can be yourself with??? That's more than one question, I know. :P 

On those tragic love stories we love a lot ...

From Wuthering Heights to Gone with the Wind to Vinnaithandi Varuvaya, any love story worth reading or watching hasn't had quite the happy ending.Everyone  remembers the debacle 'Ek Deewana Tha', that was the soul less hindi remake of VTV with the happy ending, right?  (I'm not considering the sequel to GWTW,'Scarlett' by Alexandra Ripley,which does have a happy ending, and which I DID NOT hate, contrary to popular sentiment ). All the epic love stories have been tragedies. Romeo & Juliet, Heer-Ranjha, Salim-Anarkali...need I say more?  I can't fathom for the life of me why this has been the case. I mean, we all grew up on Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, all of which had happy endings, in all of which, Prince charming delivered his Lady Love from all misfortunes and they lived happily ever after. Then why do we have this morbid fascination with tragic/unrequited-love-stories? The latest in the list was Ishaqzaade, in which both the hero and heroine fall prey to the honour killing scene (given, that they killed each other, but you get what I mean, don't you?)  still strongly prevalent in regions of northern states in India (Might I say, great movie, hot guy, cute gal).  Is it because of the basic human nature of always expecting the worst in every situation? That is a unique brand of pessimism that we are sporting...just saying ;) 

Rain, Rain, come again :)

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So...the much anticipated monsoon is back once again, it would seem. Everything is beautiful,everything is green and easy on the eyes...When it rained for the first time this season,(Well, monsoon I mean, we have a lot of different types of rains in this part of the country,that it practically rains all the time ), I just had to experience it, rather than just see it. So I climbed up to the terrace, and on the rafters (My mom would probably have killed me for that) and just sat there, letting the rain soak me through. When I was drenched to my satisfaction, I climbed down to the sunshade and enjoyed the spectacle. It wasn't exactly very high up, but it felt like watching it from somewhere sheltered, but very much a part of it all,                                                                                     like from a cave or something.

                                                                                 

This one is my favourite....The disciplined perfection of water drops is adorable,methinks ;)

I  absolutely love watching my grounds in rain. I am very much a home-earth-bound person. When I am away, it is not the people I love that I miss the most, it is the way how things felt, that sense of belonging, which you never experience elsewhere, even if you stay there for aeons.

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When Candy became a Mrs :)

One of my best friends got married yesterday. When I would think about her marriage some twenty years yonder,it would probably seem like a blur. It all happened too fast,the betrothal,the whirlwind courtship over skype,the engagement and finally the wedding. I hadn't exactly given much thought to all this even when we were cozied up in her room for the  Bachelorette party. During our outings the days before the wedding, Capricious kept saying, "Fuck man,Candy is getting married!!!(Oh btw,that is our little group,Candy,Capricious,Sweetheart and me)". It just didn't sink in,till I saw her standing at the altar...I don't even know how to describe what I felt at that time. My eyes threatened to well up and embarrass me,which they thought the better of,thankfully.....

I think there was more to it than just a best friend getting married. It was doubly unreal because it was her. The rest of us have changed a lot during the 8 years or so that we have been friends. But Candy still retained a sense of innocence and general wonderment at life from her school days. For all her growing up physically,she was still a kid at heart. And now,she was entering a new walk of life and moving away,like for good...It is all rather overwhelming.

When I think of her,I remember a girl in a grey pinafore with pigtails,perhaps that will be the image of hers that I will carry in my mind forever. I watched her enter like a Princess and glow into beauty like a Queen as she became a Mrs. I wish her all the happiness in the world. I am sure that for someone as clear hearted as Candy, only good things will happen,now and forever. :) 

Thoughts at 2.00 a.m

These are disjoint thoughts that are running through my mind at this time. I hope to unburden my mind without burdening the reader's mind with pointless thoughts.

I think I'm giving new definitions to boredom and joblessness.  It is 2 in the morning. I'm listening to the itzy-bitzy-almost drizzle outside and watching Sex and the City for the 100th time. I should probably recite the dialogues along with it...That should complete the 'Krazy' picture...

I had a great date yesterday. I had a lot of fun and went to sleep with a huge smile on my face. And woke up confused,because I had a dream about my ex. Granted,that it was at a very trite scenario,like a carnival or something, it was exceedingly weird nevertheless. Does this make me a bad person???

One of my best friends is getting engaged tomorrow. It is one of those alliances where everyone except the bride,the groom and the immediate families think that they have rushed into it. I wish her all the happiness in the world but I have to say that I am the 'teensiest' bit apprehensive about the general situation.

We were going to have a drinking party tomorrow night. It has more or less fallen through. The idea of spending part of a day with my friend's 3-year old daughter without alcohol is rather distressing,to say the least. It is probably horrible of me to say that. But the last time we went out,she sort of made a scene shouting at her Mom and making a whole lot of unnecessary ruckus. Now that,is something I don't care to have a repeat performance of.

I have officially run out of thoughts. Even my brain is becoming lazy. Just a few days of this and I'm ready to be chucked into some looney bin. I need to go get a life!!! Wonder what price they are selling it at nowadays.... ;)

P.S: There was a Goa trip in between that I wanted to blog about. Correction-'want' to blog about. I just can't find the right words...It is a curious case of me not able to wrap my head around what I'm writing...