Thoughts at 2.00 a.m

These are disjoint thoughts that are running through my mind at this time. I hope to unburden my mind without burdening the reader's mind with pointless thoughts.

I think I'm giving new definitions to boredom and joblessness.  It is 2 in the morning. I'm listening to the itzy-bitzy-almost drizzle outside and watching Sex and the City for the 100th time. I should probably recite the dialogues along with it...That should complete the 'Krazy' picture...

I had a great date yesterday. I had a lot of fun and went to sleep with a huge smile on my face. And woke up confused,because I had a dream about my ex. Granted,that it was at a very trite scenario,like a carnival or something, it was exceedingly weird nevertheless. Does this make me a bad person???

One of my best friends is getting engaged tomorrow. It is one of those alliances where everyone except the bride,the groom and the immediate families think that they have rushed into it. I wish her all the happiness in the world but I have to say that I am the 'teensiest' bit apprehensive about the general situation.

We were going to have a drinking party tomorrow night. It has more or less fallen through. The idea of spending part of a day with my friend's 3-year old daughter without alcohol is rather distressing,to say the least. It is probably horrible of me to say that. But the last time we went out,she sort of made a scene shouting at her Mom and making a whole lot of unnecessary ruckus. Now that,is something I don't care to have a repeat performance of.

I have officially run out of thoughts. Even my brain is becoming lazy. Just a few days of this and I'm ready to be chucked into some looney bin. I need to go get a life!!! Wonder what price they are selling it at nowadays.... ;)

P.S: There was a Goa trip in between that I wanted to blog about. Correction-'want' to blog about. I just can't find the right words...It is a curious case of me not able to wrap my head around what I'm writing...

When I started talking about chalk...and reached cheese in no time...

Whenever I have a mental static, I look outside my window for inspiration. Not that there is much outside. The first thought that strikes me,always,is that it is all too green. The Neem tree outside,the henna bushes,the sort-of-abandoned plot next door,the wasted almost 8-acres of land where the Ghost-house stands(it is not a Ghost house really,I call it that because no one stays there and it is huge and intimidating)...all of it is too green,way too green with shrubs and plants and trees and what not. I don't have a decent piece of sky to look at,owing to this profusion of trees.

And when it is raining,like it is now,it makes me feel like I live in an African rain forest. It gets dark bit by bit. I can almost see the darkness creeping in,outside first,then at my window,moving across my room in tiny steps... I love rain,I really do. But I don't like this weather much. I am more of a sunrise at the top of a mountain,sunset on a beach kinda gal. This much green ain't ma type huh...(Imagine a very southern brogue please. I have a thing about it. I think it is very sexy. I used to think the same about British accent but two years in the UK sort of disillusioned me. Now I use it for mockups).

This has been my view since I was 6 or 7,since this house was built. The only difference was that there was a house and a well and even more trees in the next door plot. The people who used to live there had been our long time neighbours. They used to own the house opposite to ours too(which they sold it to the people living there now about the same time our house was being built). Come to think of it,I think they used to live in that house and have always rented this one out. They had moved away for a while,but then moved back again for some reason.

It was a strange household. There was an old lady,her husband and her mother(who was like a hundred years old) and relatives with outlandish names visiting them occasionally. I used to think of the whole lot of them as snobs of the first order. The husband used to play a harmonica every afternoon when the whole neighbourhood would be trying to catch a nap. It wasn't so bad always. But sometimes,it would be so hot and muggy,and the power would be out and one is trying to get a few moments of shut-eye,and this dude starts playing...that blows the lid on your temper like nothing else does. Anyway...these people moved out eventually,the house actually being in the lady's sister's name( who was in the US of A,who was butt ugly with an equally ugly husband...but with two beautiful children!!!)and she didn't really want them to live there...lots of family drama. Finally they left,the plot was sold,the house torn down,trees cut and the well levelled. Pity really,because I liked that house...wasn't very big but had a sort of charm. 

For some reason,I have always associated the tearing down of that house to my Grandmother's death. I don't remember if they happened about the same time. One of the last memories I have of her ,is her grimacing at the noise of the trees being cut down and saying that,to her, cutting trees feels as bad as killing small kids. Weird simile,I know...boy...she was a hell of a woman. I still miss her. To this day,when I suddenly get the smell of frankincense in the air or when a lonely firefly wanders into my room,I can't help but wonder if she is visiting her favourite grandchild on the sly. That thought is like comfort food,right up there with rolled over jelly sandwiches and greasy maggi noodles. :)

On my Hilltop

This used to be my favourite wall paper for a really long time. I used to imagine myself standing on that slope near the tree and watch the sun set every evening (well,not every evening exactly,every evening I would be at that place that is). I would have a house on a bit down from there,tucked away in one of those folds between slopes,nothing elaborate,but not exactly a bare minimum cottage type either. I'd wake up every morning (that I can manage) and sit on the railing of my porch with a cup of coffee and listen to the stream bubbling under(of course there has to be a water body nearby,that is sort of mandatory) and the birds chirping in the background...That makes for a nice picture,doesn't it :)

Whenever I used to picture myself on that hilltop,it was always just me,alone,not lonely exactly,but alone. But after I met you,I feel like maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to have someone beside me over there. I have never felt that I would need company when I embark on some  "time with myself" trip,away from everything else that defines me. But now I have started thinking that maybe,just maybe,it wouldn't be so bad to have you with me. It scares me that I can actually envision letting you into my personal space. Yet I am secretly thrilled that it is YOU. I have always imagined that I will find someone so perennially interesting an uncomplicated to spend my life with...That sounds a lot like you. We don't yet know each other that well, but evidence suggests that we could be each other's soul mates(Excuse me,I've been watching too many true crime shows). I am willing to take a risk and give it a try...Are you? 

Rain Rain Come Again... ;)

The summer showers are very strange. Their routine is almost predictable. They prepare for onset by about 4.30 pm, the sky starts to darken with rain laden clouds, thunder starts to rumble and Wham!!! ,it starts to rain. This predictability has an inherent unpredictability (talk about oxymorons!!!). You can never say by the skies how hard the rain is going to fall. Sometimes it might look so stormy you feel like a 'Katrina' is on the way,but it just drizzles on and off for hours and drives you crazy. At other times,the sun might be shining its head off and all of a sudden it starts pouring like hell...the day might still by bright while it rains too. It is those drizzles that are never ending. Once it develops into a full fledged rain,it just keeps at it for an hour at most and recedes. That is my favourite kind,it provides a respite from this annoying heat and doesn't become annoying itself. Can't wait for the monsoon to kick in!!!

We went for a drive in the rain yesterday,to a place called Neriyamangalam,enroute to Munnar,where the high range just starts. It is apparently where my Grandfather grew up,I had never even heard of the place before yesterday..lol ;)

Beyond this stone called the "Rani kallu" after  the Queen Regent on whose orders the stone was laid,marking the building of the road to the high ranges,Its hair pin bends all the way...

As I said I sooo can't wait it to be monsoon ,for this horrendous heat to dissolve into dewy coolness,to see the trees glisten with raindrops,to watch the shoe flower outside my window sway shyly when the rain falls on it... Incidentally I am reading a book called "Chasing the Monsoon" now. It is by an English guy with a weather fetish called Alexander Frater who went chasing the monsoon from Trivandrum to Cherrapunji...What a journey it might have been...and beautifully written too :) :) :)

I want to.....

I want to stand on a cliff top and feel the wind rustle my hair.

 I want to run against the rain while it lashes at my face.

 I want to fall like a feather against gravity, and float weightless in the air.

 I want to sit by the river and listen to its stories.

 I want to swim to the opposite bank and shout out "Yaayee...I did it" when I get there.

I want to rise with the Sun and see the sights no one has ever set their eyes upon.

I want to howl like a wolf when the moon shines down on me.

I want to sleep with the stars singing to me.

I want to walk the paths of beasts, and watch them hunt (hopefully not me).

I want to live the life of flowers and perish at sundown.

I want to drive to the end of the world and just stand there looking at nothing.

I want to be at peace with myself, laugh at myself and just exist...

Perceptions.....Realisations.....

Yesterday,was a lot of fun. It was the "Pakalpooram" at a temple nearby. That's a 5-6 hour long procession of sorts with elephants and percussions and colourful umbrellas and all that hullabaloo. Well,not exactly fun,in the conventional sense,unless it is for those fanatic festival lovers who travel from temple to temple,listening to these. It was fun for me for an altogether different reason.

I was home for this after almost 5 years. So I made it a point to stay till the end to etch it in my memory..who knows when I'll see all this next...I came across a lot of people I haven't set eyes on in years. It was fun to see how these people have changed,how much they have changed etc. These are people I've known for or at least seen all my life. Suddenly I could detect the traces that time left on their faces,their manners etc.

Most interesting was the transformation of the so-called "hotties" and "yuckies" when I was growing up. The first title refers to the guys who were like 7-8 years older than me...my friends' brothers,my cousins' friends from college etc,the ones you are most likely to develop a crush on when you are 14. The second refers to the ones who were my age or were like 3-4 years older,the ones you find yucky and immature and not at all fanciable. I found the change more striking in these two groups maybe because I was looking at them not with the pink shades of a teenager,but with the mature(I can see eyes rolling) sight of a 23 year old.

The older ones have become,well,old. They must ,be in early to mid 30's by now,have developed paunches,started losing hair,gotten married (kiss of death,I tell you),some have even become fathers. The aura of glamour that left kids(then) like me gaping starry eyed at them have more or less diminished. They have become regular 'uncles'.

The ones closer to my age have aged too,as have I. They have become men,rather than the idiotic boys I seem to remember. Some of them have even developed quite intense good looks,text book cases of ugly ducklings growing up to be swans. They don't seem so yucky anymore. Most of them are more or less settled in their careers,or are aiming to be in a couple of years,some are even thinking of marriage and all that comes with it. It is rather strange to see it happening,you know,like I'm stuck in a time warp where everyone else goes forward but me. It is also nice in a way,after all,change is the only unshakeable law of nature.

It was all rather nostalgic for me.As I said it was after 5 years that I was home for this event. It is sort of a big deal for everyone here, you know. Everyone is on the streets,whatever their age and whatever their creed. It is rather endearing,the simplicity of it all. I realise that I might never stay in the place I grew up for any degree of permanence for a long time,perhaps never. I also realise that wherever I go,I shall always carry a piece of this land,these memories with me. It is sort of like an antiquated notion along the lines of "Of my land". That is the only way I can explain the constriction in my chest when I cross the Big River and embark on a journey  and the relief I feel when I cross it back to return home. It is like a mental umbilical cord  binds me to this place,calls me back to relax and unwind when I'm down.....

When I went here and there,did this and that... :)

Warning: This is pretty much gonna be an "I went there,I saw that,I ate that" post with nothing substantial in it (Hell,when is it ever there...). I don't have anything to blog about and I am slightly bored...!!! 

It was a bright,sunny,humid day when we decided to go to the beach. It was hardly 10-15 kilometres away...but no one seemed to know the way ;) It was a lot of fun...We splashed about in the sea, walked on the sand,dried off on the rocks,watched the sunset.....It was a wonderful day :) :) :)

Then we ate this on the way back...and it was yummmmmmm ;) :D :D :D

This one is from yet another sunny day,at the Marine Drive (Kochi of course).....We know that sunlight has seven colours. Do we also know that it has this many forms???

This is from a hookah plan that backfired. We reached the place only to discover that it is closed for renovations. We wanted a 'change', so we did a 'BPL' on the CCD and went another place. It was called 'Cafe Cube'. It was quaint and cosy and inviting. Sort of reminded me of a Barista we frequented when in school and which,sadly enough doesn't exist anymore (ngeee ngeeeeee).  It had games and books and cartoon characters on the walls :) Cube certainly is Cute :)

Yes,it is UNO. Now you know the remarkable mental growth of the people I hang out with...sigh (:P) ;)

Last,but not the least,is a picture from Thiruvananthapuram Museum and Zoo premises,taken when I had gone to give GRE exam (not at the zoo,thank you very much). The sky was just too beautiful :)